So I thought it'd be fun to make a video to show Jovey of her sister. I know, she's a baby and can't understand these things yet, but Miley wants her to know her so bad. Miley was more than on board and did a number of different takes. Here are two. . .
IMG 4700 from Mindy on Vimeo.
IMG 4702 from Mindy on Vimeo.
I know I should have done her hair for the videos, but Jovey isn't going to mind.
So I typed up a post the other day to get some stuff off my chest. I had received a few comments that had bothered me and I just needed to rant a little. Thankfully typing it up helped me to let it go and maybe it will sit as a draft forever or maybe I'll delete it.
It wasn't a bad post, just expressed some frustration and tried to explain some things you shouldn't say to someone who is/has adopted. Probably was more than a little sarcastic. You wouldn't believe the things I've already heard. . . or maybe you wouldn't believe it was wrong until you hear it through different ears. There is the problem, and why I can't be mad and most likely why I didn't post my previous thoughts.
I'm not someone who is good at editing myself. When I have something to say it usually comes out. Admittedly the foot sometimes finds itself at home in my mouth on these occasions. ;) (Maybe that was the problem with the comments I received as well). I paused long enough with my post to consider whether it needed to be said. Maybe it did, but I couldn't decide if me saying it would help. I still don't know. Sometimes the world feels so big that as a single person you feel ineffectual. Can I change people's minds about adoption? I can't get my kid to get in the bath right now. ;)
In the end I know that yelling won't work. . . for either situation. ;) So I'm going to try to affect change by living and talking about adoption positively.
I keep thinking about my Persuasion class in college. It was awesome. Even though I had moved on from my dream of being a lawyer, I still loved taking the extra speech classes. There are three categories of persuasion according to Aristotle. . . ethos - the use of the author's credibility, logos - logical support of claim, and pathos - emotional appeals. It's a simplification obviously, but you get the idea. If you're good you should use all three. Rely too heavily on one or the other and I think your argument is weak. Yelling and possibly calling people stupid isn't on the list of useful communication to affect change. Go figure.
No I didn't really yell, or even say stupid. . . that much, I don't think, but I thought it. ;) That probably came through in the post.
This time around, I feel impressed to explain our family a little, which isn't easy for me because it's so personal, but I'm going to try.
I thought about adopting when I was a kid. I don't know why. I considered it. I wondered about it. It wasn't a part of my family, but somehow it left an impression on my mind. That thought continued when I was a teenager. I fell in love with the idea of adopting from China. I gave it real thought, and came to the conclusion that it was something that I was sincerely passionate about. Adoption wasn't always on my mind though. I thought I'd get married and pregnant and adopt. In college I was listening to a talk, when the speaker said she always knew she'd have lots of boys. Once again, the adoption word popped into my head and it kind of shocked me. It freaked me out a little. I knew something that day, but I wasn't ready to accept it. Had I been given time to contemplate adoption for a reason?
I got married and I remember discussing adoption and specifically China with Dave. He was amazingly receptive, in my view. You'd have to ask him for his side to know his journey to accepting adoption. I believe, his acceptance of an idea I'd had long in my heart was another affirmation that he was my perfect soulmate, and maybe a lot less stubborn than I . . . since he needed so little time to consider and wholeheartedly support it.
We found that after much testing, surgeries, doctors, and time that we could not conceive children. I remember that final phone call from the doctor. He told me plainly, that it wasn't going to work. I knew he was right. I thanked him sincerely for his time and efforts on our behalf, and surprisingly I did not cry. No kidding. (Not something I can claim now while typing this post, unfortunately, good cry though). What I felt at that time was an amazing affirmation of God's love for me. There was another path prepared for me. I had been prepared by a God who loves me and knows me personally. It wasn't easy, and I did go through the stages of grief for the loss, but that feeling of sincere LOVE stayed with me and carried me through it all.
We have felt guided to our daughters. Every step. I have no doubt. This process, our life, has been about creating our family. Not about doing something good for others. We are not a charity organization, we are a family. It has done me more good than I ever understood possible. We have been so blessed to add Miley and even more family to our own. I am a better person because of that experience, because of them who trusted me and whom I feel the utmost respect and love.
I will meet my second daughter in a week. I've loved her from the moment I knew she existed. She doesn't know me yet and I don't know her, but we are family. I know it. I have no reservations in giving her my whole heart. We are not saving her. She is completing us. I feel a part of us is on the other side of the world. It's a strange feeling I cannot explain. We do not get to bring her home on this visit. I've known this from the beginning, but I didn't know how extremely hard it would feel at this point. I'm afraid it will only get harder once we are there. I didn't plan on this, but I have something to ask of you. If you are the praying kind, would you please consider adding us to them. I could use the added strength to say goodbye, to leave my girl in their capable hands for another couple of months. Could I borrow some of your strength? I could use all the extra I could get. I don't want to cry for the 20+ hours home on the plane. That may frighten the other passengers. ;) She's my baby and I may very well be acting like one. I am forever grateful to those who have cared for her, but will be so pleased to finally have her home.
We are bringing our family together in a different way, but we ARE family. I grew up in a 'traditional' family. I know what that feels like. My little family now feels exactly the same. My girls are my girls, with no exceptions, caveats, or subtitles. I didn't look them in the eyes the moment they were born, but my connection and bond with them is eternal. We are different, but we are the same. I hope to help people understand that simple fact. This is family.
Thank you for your love and kindness. I know adoption may seem scary and hard for you to invest in or support because there are so many unknowns. I understand that, and I know it's a lot to ask for you to simply accept it because it is a part of us. We feel your love and we appreciate wherever you are on the journey to understanding adoption. I know you will come to love and understand our family, if not already, because you care about us. The feeling is mutual.
Adoption is hard, but so very rewarding.
*But seriously, can we stop posting that picture of the two babies, one of which is crying and the tag line reads, Dude I was kidding, you're not adopted. It's not funny. It never was. Thanks.
Miley was admiring her hair and asked me when it grew longer would it glow. Uh what? You know like Rapunzel's. . . . right. Well, we'll see.
Miley is very curious about babies. About her being a baby, about the dogs being puppies, all things she wishes she could remember or see again. The other day she was asking how old Nilla is, and when I told her she was 8 she thought for a moment before asking. . . 'Do dogs get baptized?'
I heard Miley singing a song I didn't recognize, which isn't abnormal cause the girl sings a lot and usually of her own design. I listened closer and found that she was singing the alphabet backward. Color me impressed.
We went out to eat and while waiting for our food Miley wanted to tell stories. We took turns, she and I. Mie went first and in the end of her first tale the dragon had eaten the prince, but the princess was fine. Her second story was similar. The prince was little and cute and the princess was big and strong. The monster ate the prince and the king. The princess was sad, but only until it ate her too. Then the monster ruled the kingdom, the end. Should I be reading something into these tales of hers? I've got to say I'm a fan of her unconventional endings, but there is a lot of eating people involved. . . hmmmm. ;)
Miley wanted to play store today. She has a fake credit card from one of the obnoxious applications we get in the mail. She keeps it in her purse and when I told her the amount due, she whipped it out and said, 'here is my wreck-it card'. Right she is.
We were going out to eat one night, on Miley and Dave's typical date night actually. I didn't have YW that night so I was going along as well. We got on the freeway headed toward town and Miley said, 'wait a sec, aren't we dropping mom off somewhere so we can go on our date?' Ummm no, when do you just drop me off on the side of the road? She was appalled that I was coming on their date. She then asked if I could go out to eat somewhere different from her and daddy. Oh geez. I will not be intruding on their special daddy/daughter time any more. It should be noted that after her initial shock and revulsion to the idea of having me along she warmed up considerably and was happy to have her mommy. Fickle children. ;)
OK I just realized I typed two stories starting with 'we went out to eat. . .' Yes, we do this, don't judge. Miley may be able to order for herself anywhere we go, not because we frequent restaurants so much, but because she's a girl who knows what she wants. We're trying to expose her to other kinds of foods. See it's cultural. She enjoys Thai and Chinese because of this, and fish, yuck. Stop judging. ;)
Miley keeps dreaming about riding horses. This morning she seemed disgruntled when she woke up. When asked what was wrong she answered, 'I just want to ride a horse mom.' Oh geez. This reminds me of the Pigeon Wants a Puppy book. I bet she'll change her mind once she realizes how big they are. ;)
Have I been away from the blog so long that I've forgotten everything I've typed in the past? Maybe. I was going to tell you about how I told Miley she couldn't grow up and she immediately said she HAD to cause she wanted to learn to drive. Deja vu. It feels like it to me, but now I'm second guessing every story. Ohhh the good old days. Walking up hill, both ways. I don't know what's going on anymore.
Hi everyone, just a note to tell you that if you had something to donate for our Ethiopian trip then we'll be needing it this week.
I've got to get everything packed up and weighed. It's annoying. I've got to put my master Tetris skills to work here and figure out the best place for everything, but that only works if we have everything. Let me know if you want to add to the chaos of packing. It's chaotic, but appreciated.
We will be travelling again, so if you have stuff but can't get it to me this week then don't hesitate to get it to me next week and we'll take it on round two.
A HUGE thank you to everyone that has helped us with donations. It's awesome to see the bags fill up and it will be great to see their faces when they receive your kindness. I wish you could be there for that part too.
I'm trying not to be.
Blogging is work. Most people I know have given up already. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. I guess if you're not trying to sell things and not gaining any money or waves of self-affirming adulation from your blog it really ceases to be a priority. Which begs the question, why then am I still here? I'm not selling anything, except maybe my point of view and admittedly, being right is quite a pay out for me. ;) The outpouring of attention. . . well my last handful of posts got a single comment or nothing at all, so yeah not so much drowning in your approval. Not that I need that either, drowning actually terrifies me.
I was looking at my blog roll today and thinking I needed to delete them all off, but didn't want to deal with it at the moment. So it will be a sad memorial to quitters for the time being. Then I thought, as soon as I delete someone off the list they will start typing up a storm again and I'll never know, because I won't ever check it again. Yeah, they probably won't though. There's no money in it. ;) I forgot about fame, are we trying for fame? Blogging fame? No thanks, that sounds weird.
Time to introspect. . . so since it's a bit time consuming and not really fulfilling in any way (ie monetarily, egotistically, metaphysically) why do I keep tapping the keys and plugging in photos which I pay $5 a year to host on this blog? Oh my crap, I forgot it cost me money to have this blog. Weird.
I think the answer to the why am I doing this question is partly in the reason why I didn't delete the quitters. Lazy. Not a word I like to ever attribute to myself. It makes me physically cringe. However, blogging gets me out of a handful of phone conversations and keeps the rumors about us to the minimum as well. Let's call me efficient. That word is my mantra. And the reason why I was annoyed during Sacrament meeting on Easter (I think the boys passing the sacrament were expecting bread and fishes type miracles for the 600+ people in attendance). The blog offers a one stop, easy-peasy, read at your own leisure, window into our life. It's like the Burger King of relationships. Have it your way. ;) That's their slogan right? I don't watch enough commercials, or eat at Burger King.
I'm not a phone person. I don't call. I know you know that. I don't like to interrupt other's regularly scheduled and orderly days. I assume your days are like that. I like to believe mine is like that, though probably not accurate. I'd rather talk in person, even skype is better than the phone. I always wonder when I go to pick up kid at school and see every other mom sitting in their cars on their phones, who could they possibly need to be talking to so much. Are they just talking to each other across the parking lot? Doesn't that get uncomfortable, holding a phone to your head like that for so long? Are these mom/phones freaked out that I'm watching them with a perplexed expression? There must be something wrong with me. Oh well, I have no worries of ear cancer, and my kid doesn't draw me with a phone in her pictures, which I'm sure their kids must do. I'm sure of it. ;)
I started this blog with a purpose, to sell ourselves. ;) Yeah sounds nice. OK not sell, but promote? I don't know, something like that. It was our adoption advertising conduit of choice. I think it mainly offered a way for me to talk about ourselves and embarrass my husband. Then we transitioned into 'a piece of us' being solely Miley. All about Miley, which she would like the name to now be called, or maybe something snappier like Ode to Miley or Miley the Magnificent. I'm sure I could come up with better, but not right now.
She's not a cute baby anymore, she's nearing the awkward stages of missing teeth and all elbows and knees. Have I worn out the 'my daughter is the cutest thing on the whole planet' schtick? Not that I don't still find her adorable and probably always will, but I foresee her attitude on the brink of full blown explosion, thereby obliterating the sweetness factor and possibly my cheery demeanor in these posts. Yes, this has been me being cheery all these years.
Where do we go from here? It's still a super nice way to update you all on the adoption process. Ten thousand less questions for me to answer, and I think it's easier to read the process than listen to it.
Do all future blogging endeavors rest on little Jovey's shoulders? I hope she is up to that task. All I know is that I may continue to blog, not to avoid speaking to you, but to maybe lessen the time I have to spend on the phone with you repeating these details. ;) No offense. You know how I love repeating myself. I guess that only really annoys me with my kid and husband. ;)
Blogging, it's a way for you to stalk me and for me not to be creeped out by it. ;) It works for me, and obviously for you as well. . . cause you're here.
I'm not ready to go. . . but I'll have to be soon because. . .
